Do You Need That Emotion Today?

Elizabeth and I met a friend for lunch. Eventually, Lynda regaled us with tales from her hiking adventure over Christmas break. But first we sat through a long series of complaints: her mother's unrealistic expectations, her boyfriend's refusal to get married, her colleagues' incompetence, her limited income as a single woman in a couple's world. She seemed tired and unhappy, and spring break is still weeks away.

But eventually, Lynda began to recount her trip to Mexico, which included burro riding, all kinds of limit-testing challenges, and beautiful scenery. She stayed at a nice resort in the mountains, and each day her group followed a no-nonsense guide on hikes of various difficulty. Each evening during dinner, the guide would explain the next day's outing, detailing the distance, altitude, level of challenge, and exposure. For Lynda, exposure was the concern; she explained that her fear of heights was something she could control if the trail was wide enough or had natural railings on both sides. But she feared losing her footing and tumbling down the mountain if the trail was narrow and exposed.

One evening, as the guide discussed the next day's challenges, he mentioned that there would be frequent exposure. If any of his hikers thought that they would have a problem, the guide wanted to know immediately.

Lynda went right up to say that she was using this trip to work on her fear of heights, but after his description of the upcoming hike, she thought that she would just relax at the resort.

"He looked right at me and asked, 'Do you need that fear tomorrow?' Like it was my choice. And you know, when he asked me that way, I believed that it was my choice. I thought a second and told him, 'No, I won't need that fear tomorrow.'"

Lynda seemed to get the lesson about fear but didn't see its carryover to other emotions. I wanted to imitate the guide and ask, "Do you need the unhappiness about your mother today? Do you need the disappointment with your boyfriend and colleagues today? Do you need the worry about your finances today?"

Even though I understand the guide's lesson, I'm sure that I don't apply it either. Do I need this impatience with the computer ignorant today? Do I need this boredom with my life today? And on and on.

Why is it that we see that other people have clear choices, but we don't see our own?