Friday night I saw The Aristocrats with friends from work. We went to the 7 p.m. show. The documentary was only 86 minutes long, so I was home by 9:10. Apparently the basenjis thought I had spent too many hours away and to signify their displeasure destroyed my brand new $65 collection of plays by Euripides. I found the middle portion of the book on the couch; the first 60 pages and the last 60 pages were shredded all over the living room and back hallway. You would have thought I had soaked the tome in chicken soup based on the attention they gave it.
My dogs have never pulled a book off of the shelves before, although they do love paper, a typical basenji trait. They steal napkins from the dining room table if I am in the kitchen, magazines from the couch if I get up to answer the phone, and toilet paper from the bathroom any chance they get. Napkins and magazines are shredded immediately on the spot; I'll find a pile of paper similar to the feathers left in the yard after a hawk gets a pigeon. Toilet paper streamers get dragged through the house in celebratory fashion.
So I picked up pieces of the Alcestis, Medea and Bacchae and tossed them in the trash can. I told the two of them that I was disappointed, but since I hadn't caught them in the act, couldn't confirm the instigator, there was no point in yelling or swatting them with what remained of the book. As punishment, they didn't get a dog cookie after their evening walk, a treat they anticipate.
On Saturday morning I noticed that Yo-Yo had pushed Bug out of his bowl and was eating his breakfast unmolested. Usually Bug will not tolerate such effrontery. I didn't think much of it because Bug had eaten the piece of waffle I had saved for him and insisted, as he always does, on licking out my coffee mug. Later, however, I understood why he had reliquished his breakfast so readily. There was no room in his stomach! When we took our afternoon walk, he started to eat grass at the edges of my neighbors' lawns, and then when we reached the lake, he puked up two to three cups worth of cardboard and cloth cover. I realized then that I hadn't found any hardback while cleaning up the night before.
At dinner, Bug was still not eating with his usual gusto, allowing Yo-Yo to push him out of his bowl a second time. I guessed his stomach was still upset from the huge vomit at the lake. Not so! Later that night, he stumbled off the couch and disgorged another huge pile of slimy cardboard and black cloth, and then an hour later, out spilled the last few pieces. Apparently, Bug had eaten the entire hard cover, front, back, and spine. His digestive system just couldn't break down the material.
Unfortunately, I still don't know which one of them to blame. In my head, I can see Yo-Yo pulling the book from the shelf to start the fun. Poor old Bug paid in digestive distress whether he instigated the shred-fest or not.
Since the basenjis might have been upset that their photos here have since been archived, I give them both their proper due:
Innocent Yo-Yo enjoying the sun
All of the vomit evidence, Ma, indicates that I did not eat your book.
Bug shares a quiet moment with Pequod, over for a visit.
My stomach hurts!
